Ninja Burger Honorable Employee Handbook
You WILL discover the Ninja Burger Honorable Employee Handbook, or you will DIE!!! Here's some of what's inside:
Message to New Employees
You are about to embark on the career of a lifetime. Never again will you work in a more thrilling, exciting, fast-paced, challenging career field. Seriously. Because if you attempt to work somewhere else after this, you will be hunted down and killed.
There is no I in TEAM but there is an i in Ninja, as well as a j which is sort of like an i with a curvy bottom. However there are definitely no i's in Burger, which is how we like to keep it, especially since the problem we had that one time with the Health Inspector.
About this Employee Guide
The purpose of the Ninja Burger Employee Manual is to provide our personnel with a reference to Ninja Burger policies and regulations. All employees will be expected to adhere to the guidelines laid out herein. Failure to adhere to these rules and regulations will result in the ninja in question adhering to the bottom of a deep lake.
Much of the information within has been condensed from other procedure manuals, secret government code, ancient tomes and treatises, scrolls written on vellum, oral tradition and random crazy thoughts that have passed through the idle mind of our meditating ninja masters. This manual is not intended to replace those documents, and all ninja employees are expected to be aware of all those too. Expect pop quizzes in between shifts.
Questions about how to interpret the policies within should be directed to your swing manager or the highest ranking ninja on duty within your franchise, to include your delivery team lead. If no superior is available, act as your ninja skills suggest. If you're wrong, of course, you'll have to commit seppuku, but that's not our problem is it?
As a Ninja Burger employee, you are to keep confidential all information related to the operation of Ninja Burger, including but not limited to: Ninja Burger recipes, delivery routes, customer lists, operational procedures, sales figures, technological secrets, secret handshakes, and other trade secrets. You are also required to keep confidential your involvement as a Ninja Burger employee. Should you reveal any information about Ninja Burger (including your identity) to any non-Ninja Burger employee, you will be immediately terminated. And we don't mean fired.
While some companies require you to sign a form stating you will not betray them, Ninja Burger employs a much simpler system: if you betray the company, your co-workers will hunt you down.
Equal Opportunity Employer
Ninja Burger is an equal opportunity employer. All company policies will be implemented without regard to age, height, weight, race, creed, color, national origin, religion, gender, sexual preference, marital status, ancestry, gender identity, pregnency, physical or mental disability, medical condition, citizenship, status as a veteran or political affiliation, with the following exceptions:
Anyone who fits any (or all) of the above criteria will not be permitted to work for Ninja Burger and will be terminated on sight.
Special Note: Aenomi Miyako's introduction on page 1 is a quote from the Bible; namely, Romans 14:1-4. As it is written in Japanese kanji, we thought it might be helpful to explain this, since 99.95% of those who read the Honorable Employee Handbook do not speak Japanese. The following copyright notice applies to this quote.
Scripture taken from the Japanese Living Bible
Ninja Burger is © and ® 1999-2010 æthereal FORGE.