Date: Mon, 20 Nov 2000 09:07:44 -0800 (PST)
From: ****** ****** [******@yahoo.com]
To: aeon@ninjaburger.com
Subject: I challenge you!

I greet you honorable ninja. I am Master Deez Nuts, a powerful warrior from the great city of Podunk, Idaho. I have learned of your clandestine Ninja Burger operation through this newfangled Internet invention (which Vice President Gore has so thoughtfully invented for us). Many commoners of Podunk do not have running water, but I am blessed from the gods with a mere 9600 baud modem.
I am the greatest warrior of our land. I have mastered many dangerous techniques included the Wanton Slap of Death, the Spagetti Strangle Cord Manuever (which I was taught by the late revered Guido the Mauler),the Chili Powder Eye Irrataint Mist, the Rolling Pin Anal Insertion Strike, as well as my own finishing move, The Spinning Carrots of Destruction. No one has ever seen this move and lived, for all who have witnessed its awesome destructive power have been vanquished in the fire of pure carrot fury.
I also make an excellent Chicken Cordon Bleu. I wish to challenge you in one on one combat to determine who is the supreme master of combat cooking technique. After I have prepared my Chicken Cordon Bleu faster than you can say "French Fries of Our Ancestors", I will proceed to remove your larynx by means of your anus (which all of my former victims agree is an excruciatingly painful way to die). Then I will taunt your corpse by sticking Deez Nuts in your face. Respond to me with a common meeting place so that we can settle this like honourable warriors.
After I have finished with you, I shall challenge your Japanese brethren, Samurai Burger. They to shall come to know the fury of the mighty Master Deez Nuts!